Заљубио сам се у српски језик. / Zaljubio sam se u srpski jezik. / I fell in love with the Serbian language.

"So, Lena? What actually happened?" said no one ever. No one ever asked me for the real story, truth.

Yes, I fell in love a few years ago. With a man, but also with his language. Now, this lovely boy is buried under the earth in his native land, Serbia. His memorial was in New Hampshire. I was in Texas at the time, so I missed the crash, I missed his coma, I missed his dying breath, I missed his memorial service, I missed the newspaper reporters and their articles in the paper, I missed his fianceé's tears.

I did not, however, forget his language. Volim te, duša moja. I will love you forever, my soul. <3

I did not forget to smoke his favorite cigarette, three of the long tobacco kisses that tasted like him.

These were my very first cigarettes ever smoked in my life, but I remembered their smell from Erol.

These were my very last cigarettes for a long time. I smoked one on the day that I heard of his passing. I smoked the second on the day of his memorial service. I smoked the third (last) on the day of his burial in his hometown of Prijepolje, Serbia. Marlboro Gold, 100s, long. The taste of his kisses.

This is what they said: "Hill said Hodzic had tried to extend his visa before it expired to stay in the country with her but was unable to do so before it expired. Hodzic had been renting a room in Eliot and was going to move in with Hill this week for the remaining days of his stay." No one said that the room in Eliot was the bedroom of his beloved friend named Lena. No one told Lena that he was dead. She found out on Facebook from his legal representative for J-1 visa. Thanks, Ms. Lawyer for informing me of Erol's death very abruptly.

No one said that Erol loved Lena. She might as well not even exist, and his rented room was purely a distraction that lead to his death on his way home that night from Emily's apartment in Portsmouth. It must be true, isn't it? And there was no alcohol found to be in his body at the time of his passing. Nope. It was probably in his body at the time of the crash, in my opinion. But most likely, he fell asleep at the wheel of that little blue car, manual transmission, that I have driven in a parking lot in Wells while we listened to the radio and laughed like crazy. We drank beer and Arizona iced tea.

I doubt that Emily drove his little blue car. I doubt that he was planning to live with her. I know, I know, they were engaged at the time of Erol's death. But he asked me to marry him first, I swear. <3

I do not believe that Emily Hill learned to speak in Serbian, beyond "volim te." Maybe not even that.

I loved him. He loved me. We loved. The language speaks for itself: Volela sam ga. Voleo me je. Mi smo voleli. Волела сам га. Волео ме је. Ми смо волели. We loved and we lost each other more than once. I had accepted a job and apartment in Texas before we even went out for our first date. Truth.

He stood in the park underneath the streetlamp. I stood up above on a stone park bench. He asked me:

"Jump, Lena." I said, "I'm too scared. What if you don't catch me? What if I fall?" He said to me:
"Jump, Lena. I will catch you." He said to me: "I love you. Jump! If you jump, I will marry you."

I jumped. He caught me. We loved.

He died.

I lived.

I learn Serbian. I love Serbian language. I loved a Serbian man. To this day, I love him. So much.

I love you, my soul. My dear Erol. My love, my everything. I love you so much. I love you forever.

Volim te, dušo moja. Moj dragi Erol. Ljubavi moja, sve moje. Mnogo te volim. Volim te beskrajno.

Волим те, душо моја. Мој драги Ерол. Љубави моја, све моје. Много те волим. Волим те бескрајно. I love you, Erol.

Does that answer your question? Why do I love Serbian? Why did I love him? This is the real story.

Quote taken from this bullsh*t article: https://www.seacoastonline.com/news/20160926/kittery-crash-victim-fondly-remembered

Read this beautiful article about Erol's town Prijepolje, Serbia instead and raise a glass of rakija:

https://www.glimpses-of-the-world.com/2018/12/12/serbia-travel-prijepolje/

A final kiss goodbye before my flight / Skype and Facebook 08/31/2016 12:11AM / Mon. 9/26/2016 7:03 PM